A parents first job is to teach their children about self discipline. Adults don’t always get what they want. Adults don’t always get to do what they want when they want. Teaching your children how to act when they don’t get what they want or cant do what they want to do is a part of a parents job. It is hard part because as parents we want our children to be happy but in life as adults we sometimes need to get work done and being happy comes second.
As a parent you need to get comfortable with making your children unhappy, angry or uncomfortable. There will be many times when your kid needs to do something they don’t want to do and you need to be comfortable with getting past their crying or yelling and anger, and being strong and firm to wait them out. When you are an adult being angry or not wanting to do something doesn’t make what you don’t want to do go away. You still need to do it even if you don’t want to.
A child's only tool, only control over adults, is time. When you have the time and something you want them to do that they will fight you on plan for it. Expect it and schedule extra time for it. The child may scream and yell but they are doing it so you will change your mind. Don’t change your mind. Don’t give in to bad behavior. Don’t act like them and get angry. Adults cant scream and yell at other adults so adults shouldn’t scream and yell at kids. Just stand firm like a rock and wait them out. They don’t enjoy being angry and fighting with you and more than you do. Make sure they cant do anything else fun while you wait them out. Tell them to go read a book or do homework until they are ready to do what you want them to do. No one wants to sit and doing nothing for an hour and the child will get bored of being angry and give up in time. It will be hard and difficult the first few times but once the child learns you are strong and will just wait their fighting out they will stop doing it because they know it wont get them what they want. Remember to plan for and expect the fighting. Once you've been strong a couple times they will fight less when it becomes clear it doesn’t get them what they want. Children don’t have patience and self control. Adults do so use them to your benefit.
School and sports are about structure, self discipline and socializing with others. Not about grades or competing with others.
Structure: getting to where you have to be on time AND with everything you need to do whatever you need to do there.
Self Discipline: Getting ready for things you don’t want to do and then actually doing them.
Socialization: Learning to communicate effectively and work with out people who you may or may not like.
Parents shouldn’t use attendance at school or sports as punishments since the child will miss those lessons and experiences. What you can do is carry over your role as parent into these activities. As a parent you have the right to audit and attend your child's school classes. Volunteer in your child's class as a reminder they are not free from you when at school. Show the child you and the teacher are on a team , school and home is the same thing. Work with the teacher to get the child extra homework projects as “punishments” at least in their mind for bad behavior. It will give them something to do when they fight with you rather than just sulk in their room. Ask the coach to give the child extra laps or pushups for bad behavior. Extra pushups or homework seem bad to the kid but we know they are good for them so its a win win as punishments go. Interact with your child friends. Use social time with other kids in school and sports as a reward or punishment depending on whether your kid like the other kids or not.
Video games and TV are a reward. As an adult you don’t get to choose whether to go to work or watchv TV. You always go to work THEN play video games or watch TV in your free time. Take the video games and TV away now, today. They should not have them in their bedroom ever because you want to see what they are playing/watching. Children should not have access to video games and TV until everything else is done. Children should not play video games or watch TV for more than 2 hours a day. If your kid has more than 2 hours of free time a day they need more homework or chores or a book to read or outdoor free play time. Ask your child two do 1 thing you want them to do for 1 hour of play time. What you ask them to do cant be homework since they need to have the option of saying no and homework isn’t an option. They can always do an hours “extra practice” of whatever homework they were assigned or extra pushups or maybe an art project if you cant think of anything else.
1 comment:
Really, you can change your habits by following your own guide. So do it and get back in school. You should be a teacher or pyschologist. What are you waiting for...?
Post a Comment