Movie Review: Iron Man 3: Bordering on terrible

I'm not sure who wrote this script but if Robert Downey Jr. wanted out of the role, there were better ways of doing it. The movie is campy and formulaic, beating the audience over the head with predicable, overly choreographed outcomes and too much self deprecating humor. Its like they said "lets take all the different aspects of a typical action thriller and make fun of them. Lets take all the stunts and make them extra absurd. Lets make sure all the characters only have enough screen time to be 1 dimensional." Ugh. And the first two were so good, as was the Avengers. What happened?

Warning -Serious Spoilers- ahead..but the movie was bad enough you wont care
The biggest flaw in this movie is that we get to spend 30-45 minutes dealing with Tony Starks anxiety issues. Yah..thats what I came to see in a movie - Downey Jr having whiny panic attacks while being followed around and dialoging with a random 10yo kid. Fun. A 10yo kid who, since he built a poptato gun is also capable of repairing the Iron Man suit's busted AI, which he does with a SPEAK AND SPELL while we get to watch Don Cheadal and Downey Jr run around beating up bad guys WITHOUT the Iron Man suits. Shouldnt called it pink fleshy man since Tony spends half the movie out of the suit. Skinny 50 year old r guys with pistols holding off lava powered regenerating bad guys while we wait for Tony's extra suits to fly from California to Miami Florida. In under like 10 minutes. Oh and when he gets his suit, the bad guys cut his legs and arm off..but apparently he is quick enough to pull his legs out of the armor so only the armor gets cut off - at which point he has the cut off leg and hand beat up the bad guy on their own. During this whole time, while bad guys are launching missiles at homes in California and kidnapping the president in Florida, there is no sign of the military, the police, Shield or Stark's superhero friends, who get referred to repeatedly but apparently are busy or something. Its too much disbelief to suspend. And the lava guys and bombings of Hollywood tourists sights and missiles launched at Tony Starks house are really just completely unnecessary dramatic run up to an assassination attempt against the president by the Vice president..who we see like in one maybe 20 second scene..and who apparently doesnt understand if he kills off the president he would only be president until new elections can be held.

Iron man is suppose to be a semi-realistic hero in a realistic world and there is nothing remotely realistic about the timetable issues, the lack of government authorities, the need for the bombing/kidnap plot, Tony Starks ability to survive huge falls, survive missile hits etc etc without the suit on. 3 helicopters launch missiles at his house on the California coast, apparently without alerting the numerous military bases in the area, scoring direct missile hits on the room that Tony and 2 woman are standing in, and even with the missile hitting the glass directly behind Tony, and Tony not wearing the suit the entire time, everyone manages to survive and escape unharmed from a house that bursts into fire and crumbles into the sea. We later learn he had extra suits in his basement he can radio for help on a whim and wonder why he didnt use them to defend his house/life/friends.

The last 5 minutes of the movie are a rushed "rap it up" scene where Tony magically finds a cure not only for the shrapnel in his heart but also decided to "cure" his friend of newly found immortality. And then he throws the super secret billion dollar power source the whole first movie was about INTO the very shallow ocean..on the highly populated California Coast where his house is. And claims to quit being Iron Man. The last 3 words of the movie are "I am Iron man". I'm sure it sounded real kool in someones head..but it makes no sense because he just spent the last few minutes explaining why he isnt Iron man anymore. And no one talks like that..its as bad as Stallones " I am the Law" from Judge Dred. If this is setting the stage for a sequel its really poorly written..but I think this is Downey Jr's send off to the part. And it comes off poorly to say the least, even insulting, like hesd throwing the mythos into the Ocean and saying I'm done to the fans.